Guidelines for Commenting
Thank you for your interest in commenting on Ambivalent Goddesses. I hope this site will become a community where you can find both information and camaraderie during your recovery process.
Here are some boundaries I have put in place with hopes of making Ambivalent Goddesses a safe ‘space’ to work on your recovery from sexual abuse:
I always moderate comments. I moderated comments on my first website devoted to trauma and kept at bay trolls and cruel words. Readers shared they felt safe because they knew they would avoid unnecessary negativity and criticism. I want Ambivalent Goddesses to similarly feel safe for all visitors. If your comment doesn’t show up within 24 hours, you probably were attacking in some way or engaged in divisive speech.
Please do critically engaging with the material. The recovery process improves through thoughtful criticisms and suggestions by those engaged in the work. We can all benefit from your experience and wisdom. Just be kind in the process.
Always put your recovery work first. Although websites are often considered successful in part by the amount of comments they receive — and I would love to hear from you! — some research has shown writing about traumatic experiences is most helpful when there is not an expectation to share. Depending on what you are writing about, sometimes its best to first write your reactions in a journal, and then later decide if you want to share.
Sharing the events of your trauma can traumatize others. It takes courage to share your history of sexual abuse. Because so many women have come forth with what happened to them, there is greater likelihood we will create a world in which sexual abuse is the exception rather than the norm. However, while seeking justice can be empowering, even exhilarating, for many hearing others’ accounts of sexual abuse is dysregulating, leading to flashbacks, nightmares, and other experiences that make them feel they are losing ground in their recovery work. It can also be retraumatizing for the person who is sharing.
I know this is a difficult line to walk — what and what doesn’t count as sharing too much. One way to avoid too much detail is to instead focus on how the trauma affected you, such as your feelings, beliefs and behaviors. Research also suggests such an approach is often better for recovery.
If I think too much is shared about a traumatic event, I will try in let you know why I didn’t post your comment. If you do want to share your story, I’ve listed a few places where sharing is encouraged under “Websites” on my Resource page.
Thank you for your interest in making Ambivalent Goddesses a space of dialogue.